Dear diary

Dear Diary,
Well, well, well, I never believed – or maybe I never wanted to believe that this moment would actually come – but it has arrived. I have officially completed my 10th month of EVS in Croatia. Well hasn’t time flown right by? I still remember landing in Split airport with my coat on (coming from chilly Britain) and one bag bursting at the seams with my precious possessions for one year abroad. Clutching my dictionary tightly in one hand and passport in the other I headed off on what would ultimately be the experience of a lifetime………….

It’s hard to accept that this experience is drawing to a close, friend. A tear draws close at the thought of having to pack up and leave this home I have built up over the previous 10 months. I sit here at the edge of my bed looking at photos hanging on the wall of such fun times I have had since I have arrived. How this place has come to change me and yet become so familiar all at the same time. What started off as new and exciting has thankfully become comforting and safe. It is incredulous that when I think going home it now means stepping into the office, meeting a new friend or entering my apartment to the wonderful essence of my housemates cooking-up a dinner. It is the small things in this life that sum up the breathtaking experiences: A friendly smile, a loving hug, the spirit of summer or the look in someone’s eye that you have helped them. I will be leaving soon and although I already know that it will be challenging, I think I will really feel the consequences in a few weeks when I return to Ireland.

As I tell you time and again, my friend, I am afraid to leave this wonderful world of EVS. Of course I had imagined what the experience would be like, yet in reality, it is still difficult to inhale. This experience has gone above and beyond my wildest expectations. It is tricky to put into words. I came here with the hope that I would attempt to learn the Croatian language and gain some valuable credits for my C.V. to help me after it was finished. These things almost seem so insignificant now. Yes I can speak the language and yes I have gained valuable credit for my C.V. But would I give this all up to be granted the opportunity to continue my project and the experience….you bet! At this time, I am striving to find the means to stay in Croatia for much longer and extend my project. I absolutely adore this country and feel like a part of me will disappear when it must finally come to a finish.

So far, I have taught and spread the English language like wildfire. It appears that people cannot get enough English conversation; they are like a moth to a flame. I believe that the basis of this project has centred around discussions regarding which language is the easiest, which is the sexiest when saying ‘I love you’, which is the most useful and which country we will visit when we finish EVS. It might appear customary to sit around a rather large table, with conversation flowing. However, the most fascinating thing I discovered is to look beneath the surface. In a ‘normal’ conversation in my home here, three languages can be flowing at once. Each person conversing with another in their native language, one they learnt at school or a new language they find interesting and wish to learn from a native. When I return to my English speaking country, I think this is what I will miss the most. Diversity, culture and love of conversation are so powerful here they even break the boundary of language.

Well what else can I tell you? Today I watched my youth peer education group present an all day lecture on communication and drugs. They are really improving. Since the first day I met them, with my shaky Croatian and their timid behaviour they have really impressed me. Their endeavour to help and educate other young peers is dazzling. When I see what they are so keen to do voluntarily, how much effort they are willing to put in and how much fun they can extract from each and every situation is inspiring. Working with young people is exceptionally rewarding and I can see a little bit of myself in each one of them now.

I also spoke with one of the drug users today that I have been counselling for a while now. It is heart breaking listening to him recount his terrible experiences in the past and his outlook on the future. I hope I have instilled some bright life back into his tired and drained body. If there is one thing I tried to tell my clients over the past few months and what I wish for them to carry close to their hearts is how important it is to live with and accept the bad sides of life but to never let your smile falter while even living with a little bit of foolishness all at the same time.

I guess that at the beginning of this experience my parents feared how their little girl would survive working in a drug related environment, in a foreign country, without the language and outside the E.U. and therefore unable to catch a Ryanair flight home….. Imagine what terrible things could happen!!!! How would I survive?? Haha it’s almost laughable now. I distinctly remember my father telling me not to hold drugs for people while they go to the toilet because I could be arrested for carrying or trafficking. I tried to convince him that I would be mature enough to decide if handling drugs would be a safe or clever thing to do. Well right now, ten months later I am asking an opposing question: How will I survive away from here?? I have never been to such a strange place, been part of a mixed group of people and in a country where I struggled so much with the language where I immediately felt part of a large family, so accepted, appreciated, welcome and loved. All this is due to the wonderful people I have met along the way. From friends, to managers, from locals to lovers, I can never thank these people enough for helping me to have the most amazing experience of my life. Each and everyone was different yet each with a clear and loyal heart. I was granted the opportunity to begin and develop diverse relationships with each and meet such an assorted bunch or characters – intelligent, funny, crazy, hardworking, loyal and talented. It is amazing how a wonderful family has been created and one I feel such a privilege to be a part of in this environment.

I feel that I have changed over these past ten months. Not only has my fear towards drug abuse, drug users, teaching, foreign environments and an extremely difficult language disappeared, I gained respect towards these fears. In particular I gained admiration for the drug users who spoke to me during counselling sessions because each one comes from a difficult background and they have the same problems as everyone else in the world. Yet they challenge life with its demanding and sometimes wonderful moments. They have great dreams that they strive to follow. I pray that they don’t lose their way on this winding road of life and accept it into their aching hearts. Life has many challenges that we must face. I have overcome so many of these tests throughout this experience. I have been presented with the ability to accept, love and see new challenges and dreams as they come at me. I feel that this experience will be the most rewarding thing I have ever accomplished in my lifetime. I can’t even describe the way in which it has opened up my future and my mindset. With all the smiles, help, jokes, conversations and patience I truthfully gained an abundance of positive energy I received, it was so simple to return. I am truly grateful for being granted the experience of a lifetime!

Well my friend, my eyes are slowly closing and I am off to dream sweet dreams,
Until the next time, dear diary, thank you for listening,

by Laura Keeney, Ireland

September 16, 2010 | Categories: Authors, Laura Keeney | Tags: Croatia, English, Ireland | 2 Comments